I believe we are like the church in Laodicea, we think that we are rich, have prospered and need nothing, we do not realise that we are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind and naked. We must take the Counsel of Jesus and buy gold refi ned in the fi re, white garments to clothe our shameful nakedness and eye salve that we might see again. Jesus is calling us to repentance and thank the Lord that He is, for it will lead us to true restoration with our Father! If God has forgiven me and opened my eyes then He can do it for all those caught in deception too.
former Toronto Vineyard Pastor
T has taken me nine years to actually come to the place where I would write this story.
Part of the reason was because I was not fully convinced that it was appropriate to speak out against weaknesses in the body of Christ publicly.
Another reason is because it has taken years of soul searching to become convinced that what happened in the Toronto Airport Church (TAC later changed to Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship TACF) was actually all bad or at least more bad than good!
For the past number of years I have called it a mixed blessing. I think James A. Beverly called it this in his book Holy Laughter and the Toronto Blessing, 1994
. Today I would call it a mixed curse, concluding that any good that came from this experience is far outweighed by much harm and satanic deception. Therein has been my dilemma. I have tried to live my life in the fear of the Lord Jesus, who told us that the unforgivable sin was blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, i.e. attributing to Satan what was in fact a work of God. If pressed as to whether or not the Toronto blessing is all God or all devil I will still be hesitant.
However, I am convinced that Satan has used the experience to blind people to the historical doctrines of God: producing fruit in keeping with repentance; testing and discerning the spirits; and to test prophecy.
After three years of being in the thick of the Toronto blessing our Vineyard assembly in Scarborough (East Toronto) just about selfdestructed. We devoured one another, with gossip, backstabbing, division, criticism etc.
After three years of soaking, praying for people, shaking, rolling, laughing, roaring, ministering at TACF on their prayer team, leading worship, preaching and basically living at TACF we were the most carnal, immature and deceived Christians that I know.
I remember saying to my friend and senior pastor at Scarborough Vineyard Church in 1997 that ever since the Toronto Blessing came we have just about fallen to bits! He agreed!
My experience has been that the manifestation of spiritual gifts mentioned in 1 Corinthians 12 was much more common in our assembly, before January 1994 (when the Toronto blessing started) than during the period of supposed Holy Spirit visitation.
During 1992-1993, when praying for people, we would experience what I believe was genuine prophecy, deliverance and much grace and favour from the Lord.
After the Toronto Blessing started, all ministry time changed. The only prayers were More Lord MORE , the shouting of Fire, the jerky-shaking of the body with the ooh ooh OOH WOOOAAH prayer. (I am not exaggerating!)
On January 20, 1994 about 15 people from our church travelled over to Toronto Airport Vineyard to listen to Randy Clark, a Vineyard pastor from the USA. John Arnott had called our senior pastor to invite us. He said that Randy had been to the Rodney Howard-Browne meetings and that the stuff had broken out in his church in the following weeks. John was hoping that something might break out with us too. We were only too happy to travel over.
Our fellowship was planted, in 1992, out of the Toronto Airport. In those days there were three vineyard churches in Toronto. One down town church, Scarborough vineyard church to the east and the airport church. We were one big happy family. Because we were small in number we did special meetings, conferences etc, together.
The year before, most of our leadership teams joined and had headed to Nicaragua for a short-term mission trip. We had genuine love and fellowship with each other. Since leaving the Vineyard churches I have read a lot of analysis from the critics. Some allege that the Toronto Blessing was one huge conspiracy to lead the body of Christ into heresy.
Heresy and apostasy I suspect may well be the result, but none of this was intentional.
I am honestly convinced that the leaders in the Vineyard churches were genuine born-again Christians who loved the Lord, but fell into deception. They did not love the Lord enough to keep His commandments. They failed to obey the scriptures and have been led astray by longing for something bigger and brighter and more exciting and dynamic.
I was guilty of this sin also. I have preached renewal in Korea, the United Kingdom, the USA and here in Canada. I am genuinely repentant and in writing this story I would ask you, the bride and body of Christ, to forgive me. Especially the Pentecostal\Charismatic Christians among you, for you are my immediate family, theologically. I am an evangelical Christian. I always have been, but I do not believe in the cessation of the spiritual gifts at the end of the apostolic era. I believe that it was my evangelical roots (my family are Baptists and I was born again in the Presbyterian church) that started to open my eyes to problems with this so-called renewal.
In hindsight I wonder how could I have been so blind?
I laughed at people acting like dogs and pretending to urinate on the columns of the TACF building. I watched people pretend to be animals, bark, roar, cluck and pretend to fl y as if they had wings, perpetually act as if drunk and sing silly songs. How I thought that any of this was from the Holy Spirit of God amazes me today.
It was loud, irreverent and blasphemous of the Holy God of the Bible. In my mind I reasoned that as long as they did not teach anything in direct violation of scripture then it was what we called the exotic. This is a buzzword for manifestations that could not be justifi ed from a biblical perspective. I was taught, from the pulpit, that we had two options.
The order of the nursery, full of life and messy, or the order of the graveyard, very orderly but dead! As a young immature pastor I wanted life with mess. I failed to remember that God wants us to become mature and grow up in Him.
I became disconcerted by the prophetic words that came forth, especially one by Carol Arnott in which she had her bride experience where she was taken into the very presence of Jesus and said that the love that she experienced was even better than sex! I was shocked in my spirit and thought how can one compare the love of God with sex?
When we suspected that demons were running riot in our services, John Arnott would teach that we should ask, are they coming or going. If they are leaving then that is okay!
John would defend the chaos by saying that we ought not be afraid of being deceived, if we have asked the Holy Spirit to come and fi ll us then how could Satan come and deceive us? This would make Satan very strong and God very weak! He said that we needed to have more faith in a Big God to protect us than in a Big Devil to deceive us. This sounded very convincing, but was totally contrary to scripture for Jesus, Paul, Peter and John all warn us about the power of deceiving spirits and especially so in the last days. Again, we did not love God enough to obey His Word and the result was that we opened ourselves up to lying spirits. May God have mercy upon us!
Finally the penny dropped for me as I was rolling around one night drunk in the Spirit, as we would say. I started singing and as I rolled around the fl oor the Nursery Rhyme Mary had a little lamb its fl eece was white as snow came to mind.
I sang this in a mocking spirit and instantly my heart told me this was a demon. Instantly I repented and was in total shock. How could a demon infl uence me?
Did I not love God?
Was I not zealous for the things of God? I knew that an unclean spirit had just manifested through me and I was guilty of great sin. After this experience I stayed away from TACF. I did not go back there any more. I did not possess the conviction to denounce the whole experience, but thought that we were failing to pastor the Blessing well enough.
||If God has forgiven me and opened my eyes then He can do it for all those caught in deception too.
Even after I stopped going over to TACF, I had to pastor the fruit of it. One example was when some of our people returned from a meeting there asking us if we had all received the golden sword of the Lord? I asked them what they were talking about, thinking that it was some prophetic reference to the Holy Scriptures, but they said, No, its not the Bible. Its an invisible golden sword that only the really pure can receive. If taken in an unrighteous fashion then the Lord would kill you.
But if you are holy enough to receive it then you can wield this sword and it will heal aids, cancer etc. and bring salvation. How one wielded this sword was by pretending to have this invisible sword in your hand and motioning to strike people with it when in prayer! I thought, while even in deception at this time, that the TACF had become lunatics! This was purportedly fi rst received by Carol Arnott and then given to the ones holy enough to receive it! Another thing was the gold fi lling in the teeth.
We had people in our assembly peeping down one anothers throats looking for the gold fi llings that God had placed there to show how much he loved them! In all my time there I only heard one message on repentance, given by a visiting speaker, Jackie Pullinger from Hong Kong. It went over like a lead balloon. We were not there to repent.
We were there to party in the Lord! After one year into the blessing I spoke out at a pastors meeting and said, Guys we have shaken, rattled, rolled, laughed, cried and bought the tee-shirt. But we have no revival, no salvation, no fruit and no increased evangelism, so whats the deal?
I was soundly rebuked. Who was I, to expect to see fruit when the Lord was healing His broken people?
We had been legalistic long enough and God was spending this time restoring His wounded and freeing us from legalism. I was told not to push the Lord and the harvest would come in His time.
I knew this was wrong because the Lord had commanded us to go into all the earth and make disciples! Not, that everyone should take a sabbatical for who knows how long, while God does some strange new thing!
Ultimately I left over something as controversial as the ordination of women. Personally I believe from scripture that women should not be pastors/elders in a local assembly. I could be wrong on this, and there is much debate in the church today, but that is my conviction and in the Vineyard churches they were ordaining all the pastors wives to co-pastor with them. I am certainly for women in ministry but believe that the elder/pastor role in a local assembly has been reserved for men. We didnt write scripture but, we should have the grace to obey it.
So there is my story.
I could go on and document much excess, folly, sin and latter day rain teaching that manifested from the prophetic end of this Blessing but others have already done that. We sang about Joels army and the billion-soul revival as if it were one of the Ten Commandments, and as always it was just around the corner, next month, next year etc. Jesus asked, When the son of man returns will he fi nd faith upon the earth?
He warned that His coming would be hastened the days will be shortened for the sake of the elect. This is a far cry from the dominionism that is being taught all through the vineyard-prophetic-spiritual-warfare movement. They think they are going to take over the whole world!
While in the Vineyard I embraced a life-changing verse from Paul, the apostle, the phrase, Do not go beyond what is written!
To fi nish, I just want to say sorry for the damage that I have done, by teaching things that are not correct, biblically. I repent before men as I already have before God. I will not excuse my falling into deception. I did not test things when the scripture commands us to do so.
Everyone who was there when this thing started knows that what I write is true, they would just come to different conclusions especially if they are still promoting the river! To those in the river I would say, climb out, there are things living in the water that will bite you really badly! I love the people of TACF and the Vineyard movement, but they have much to answer for and may the Lord open their eyes sooner rather than later. I suspect that when my story becomes public I will get bombarded by emails, some damning me for still believing in the ministry of the Holy Spirit and still walking in deception and some old friends damning me for exposing dirt or being negative about the Lords anointed! Well, the Lord knows my heart and by His grace He will guide me into all truth as I seek to know Christ and Him crucifi ed!
If you believe that I walk in sin and error please pray for me, that the Lord would forgive me and open my eyes. I will study the Word to show my self a workman approved! I would call on all who read this to pray that the Lord would open the eyes of all who have been involved in this deception, whether leader or follower, we are loved and the Lord is a forgiving God.
He says, If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. I believe we are like the church in Laodicea, we think that we are rich, have prospered and need nothing, we do not realise that we are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind and naked.
We must take the Counsel of Jesus and buy gold refi ned in the fi re, white garments to clothe our shameful nakedness and eye salve that we might see again. Jesus is calling us to repentance and thank the Lord that He is, for it will lead us to true restoration with our Father! If God has forgiven me and opened my eyes then He can do it for all those caught in deception too.
I will fi nish with a warning from Paul, who said, If you think you are standing fi rm be careful lest you fall.
About the Author...
PAUL GOWDY a native of Northern Ireland met his wife, a Canadian, while working with YWAM in Scotland. They moved to Canada in 1991, married and now have five children. Paul was a pastor in the Scarborough Vineyard church for four years and a member for six. He was never forced out of the Vineyard Movement but is now doing evangelistic work, raising his own support, and working with the Pentecostal Churches of Canada a sister denomination with AG-USA.
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Appeared in Issue 13.1 CETF 39 MARCH 2007
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-Last revised-Monday, October 09, 2006